City of Ember (Review)

What I knew Going In:
A children's adventure film about an underground city and the mystery of why the city was failing. Stars Tim Robbins and Bill Murray.

Hype:
Meh+ I wanted to see this in the theater just for the effects, sets, and costuming, but didn't get around to it in time.

Opening Thoughts:
I hope they explain why the world is dying... Great musical score... Evidently there will be a way out of Ember as its the central theme of the plot. Wow, there must have been a major stockpile of cosmetics and hairstyling products considering they've been underground for more than 200 years yet everyone looks like they stepped out of a salon...

Bottom Line:
I am just in love with the way that some children's films contain monsters that will give them all nightmares. This is not a young children's film but rather a young adult film. While the plot is entirely predictable, the actors do a good job in selling the theme and the ride to the end is quite enjoyable. If you have someone in your family of the right age, this movie will be a fun experience you can share. On the down side, the reason the world was dying and Ember created was never explained, and while the main characters of Ember escape, there is no real resolution. More than likely their enire society will perish above ground without the skills to farm, hunt, and build shelter. The gene population left in Ember wouldn't be diverse enough to start over unless there were many other Embers around. Food would certainly NOT be what I stockpiled in a secret room in the underground city were I the Mayor...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0970411/

Highlander: The Search For Vengeance (Anime DVD Review)

What I knew Going In:
Highlander fiction in Japanese Animation.

Hype:
Never even knew it existed until a few days ago. I was bored and I needed to kill some time while doing something for a client so I fgured why not - I've wasted hours of my life watching worse things *cough* ENGLISH PATIENT! *cough*

Opening Thoughts:
Music's not bad. Graphics are solid and savage. Colin Macleod? I mean wasn't Connor and Duncan enough? I swear that is one Clan you DO NOT want to f*** with.

Bottom Line:
Its better than every movie except the first one. Its not top notch but if you're bored like I was you could do worse. A "reimaging" of the original is slated for release in 2010. I haven't heard anything about it other than noticing that it was in pre-production on IMDB. Given that the last what 4 sequels and the TV series have been about as good as a bikini wax from a belt sander, I can only hope the 2010 film doesn't continue the legacy of suck. Put some money into it, get a decent cast and script, get Metallica to cover the original Queen tracks, and the nerds will be shouting from the rooftops. In the meantime, watch the anime flick, and realize that for this franchise, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE (good one).

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465657/

Hancock (DVD Review)

What I knew going in:
Will Smith in a Superhero Action Comedy.

Hype:
Meh+. I saw this a couple of weeks after it came out. I was disappointed but was hoping that additional story and scenes might make for a better movie on DVD, as with Babylon AD.

Opening Thoughts:
Yep still not funny. Something about an irresponsible superhero just rubs me the wrong way. The guy behaves more like a villian. Its still a redemption plot. BooHoo I'm a Black Superman.

Bottom Line:
This film has all the hallmarks of a big blockbuster. Awesome special effects. Big Stars. Lots of Hype. Problem is, for a superhero film, the thing just has no heart. The comedy falls flat, Hancock's opening antics have no real consequences, and there's no resolution at the end of the film and we are left with our imaginations as to what will happen with the major characters. And "Uncut"? Two or three extra sex joke scenes do not constitute for a better movie. These scenes SHOULD have been cut from the film. It didn't annoy me as much this time around, and that's the best I thing I can type about it. Hollywood has become so inbred with its sub-culture of shoddy writing that I'm surprised the script come with buckteeth.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448157/

The Accidental Husband (Review)

What I knew Going In:
Uma Thurman (Kill Bill) in a Romantic Comedy.

Hype:
Meh- Once in a long while I suffer through one of these just so I can discuss it at a business function. I am a horrible romantic at heart, however.

Opening Thoughts:
Opening up the Cliche checklist: Boring but mature masculine (check). Hot woman dating the mature but is unsure of the relationship (check). Better Looking but immature fun guy (check). Massive amount of contrived situational BS (check). Lies upon lies forming house of cards that you know is going to fall by the end (check).

Bottom Line:
If you are the kind of person who likes Seinfeld and Everybody Loves Raymond, then this flick is for you. For the rest of us: you've already seen this movie fifty or sixty times. There isn't any real "comedy" in this - its really more of a romantic drama. This kind of mush is purely for immature girls who enjoy being emotionally manipulated OR teenagers looking to get away from their parents for some hot petting in the theater. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go scrub my eyes and ears out with a drill press then go piss off the Punisher for some well deserved Dance Dance on my Junk Revolution Frank Castle Style.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0809504/

Traitor (Review)

What I knew going in:
Don Cheadle (Ocean's 11,12,13) and Jeff Daniels (Dumb and Dumber) in a middle eastern spy flick directed by Jeffrey Nachmanoff (Day after Tomorrow).

Hype:
Meh. I'm into spy films but I'd been hearing this one had Oscar buzz which would normally make it a Meh-. Add in the director from a crappy Sci-Fi disaster fim, who co-wrote the script, and you have a recipe for Overhyped Boredom Sushi.

Opening Thoughts:
Nice Mandelbrots during the opening credits. Music's pretty good. Wow. A car bomb opening. . .how. . .original. . .

Bottom Line:
Go. Rent. This. Now. Despite all of the things it had going against it, not the least of which was a decent competitor in Body of Lies, Cheadle's character and Nachmanoff's Script turn in a real nailbiter with one hell of an ending. I'm not convinced that Cheadle deserves Oscar buzz for the role, nonetheless his character is instantly likable yet hard to figure out which side he's really on. Heaps of good plot twists help this one stay interesting all of the way through. This gets the Q's GOLDEN GAUNTLET STAMP OF AWESOME (tm). In addition, nobody saw this movie in the theater (Domestic Gross of 23 million), which means that after you see it you'll have something to watch and recommend to your buddies who will either a) think you are a film genius or b) think you got lucky renting and are claiming to be a film genius.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0988047/

Babylon A.D. (Uncut DVD Review)

What I knew going in:
Vin Diesel in an Action Sci-Fi Flick. Directed by Mathieu Kassovitz (5th Element). Chronicles of Riddick + 5th Element? Ok so its going to be WEIRD.

Hype:
Meh+ - I saw this in the theater, which had a drugged out heroin addict for an editor. Scenes were not cut together properly and the ending looked like he fell asleep at the wheel. The resulting Felony EUI looked like a 12 car pile-up at the bottom of Lombard Street that included a gasoline hauler. This version is the EUROPEAN cut of the film with an additional 15 minutes - all of which I was hoping would explain the PLOT that was left out of American Theaters.

Opening Thoughts:
Oh man that rap song int he beginning hasn't gotten any better. I could do better pushing rappers down the stairs at Chichen Itza and editing what's left. OK Vin we get it. You're a badass. Stop punishing the Asian weapons dealer half your size to prove it.

Bottom Line:
Hey guess what? Much like many Director's Cuts before it such as Abyss, Independance Day, and the all time classic of -why the hell did you leave that out scenes- Aliens, Babylon AD all of a sudden makes sense. The first half of the film is basically a long chase scene, setting up the darkly futuristic, almost cyberpunk feeling ending. Love it or Hate it, how you feel about Sci-Fi is going to determine much of your enjoyment of this film. I can like it despite its flaws and now that I understand the story I can recommend it to other future-heads. Lets all hope the Vatican is never able to capitalize on this premise, nor that we fall as a society so far as to allow them to deceive us in this way.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364970/

Pineapple Express (Review)

What I knew going in:
Seth Rogen

Hype:
Meh. Another comedy. Whatever. Do something to impress me please.

Opening Thoughts:
Oh no its a weed movie. I mean, the closest I've ever come to doing drugs is getting a contact high. People acting stupid is going to be this whole movie's schtick.

Bottom Line:
Bored. Bored. Not funny. Oh wait that's .... uh... yeah. kinda. Hunh? Witness to a murder? Car chase? Exploding barns? WTF? Am I on drugs just sitting here? Alright so the first half of the movie, the parts that are supposed to be funny, fell completely flat. Its only once the actual plot gets started that the movie has a smidgeon of wit and takes you along for a admittedly wierd ride. While its not half bad, I can't recommend this to anyone, UNLESS you are having a doob with a pack of buddies at least once a week and you need a drug movie to get you through the lows between drags. Go get any other Seth Rogen movie - they are all better than this one.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0910936/

The Spirit (Review)

What I knew going in:
Frank Miller (Sin City) Directs his first film. Based on a comic book by Will Eisner (Golden Age Comics). Stars Scarlett Johannsen (YuM) Samuel L Jackson (There's m-r f-in Snakes on a Plane!) and lots of other hot chicks in Skimpy Outfits. What's not to like here?

Hype:
Meh+ - I don't know the story and haven't read the comic. However just about everyone in this film is a plus so it should be pretty good.

Opening Thoughts:
Sin City style colorization looks as good as it did a couple of years ago. The parkour action is really inconsistent though - some looks good - some looks WAY stupid. Uh oh.... the opening monologue is kinda lame....

Bottom Line:
First off I have to give my buddy Zach some mad props here. He went with me even though he'd already seen it. There are moments of Shiny, Polished Rocks of brilliance in this film - too bad it doesn't make up for the steaming pile of script that needed more rewrites than an adaptation of "Mister Rogers does his Neighbor in the Hood". This movie is like taking a nice morning jog only to find out five steps into your house that you mangled a dog turd all over your Reeboks and your floor. It stinks. Badly. It sticks with you long after its over. And it pisses you off every time you think about it. So much potential for this movie and so little in return. A perfect example that nobody is infalliable. YOU READING THIS FRANK? GO CASH YOUR CHECK AND HIDE FROM MARV CAUSE I'M SENDING HIM TO LAY SOME ASPHALT TO YOUR FACE! (P.S. Nice Jacket...)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0831887/

Pride and Glory (Review)

What I knew going in:
Ed Norton and Collin Farrel in a New York Cop Crime Drama

Hype:
Meh+. I've seen a lot of these fims and they range from epic (Deaprted) to garbage (Copland) Ed Norton has a tendency to pick good scripts, and his acting can carry a movie.

Opening Thoughts:
Wow. This isn't wasting any time. After a very brief character introduction it gets right into the plot. No boring 30 minute crap opening trying to make me feel for people I don't have any connection to. Bravo.

Bottom Line:
I've been surprised lately by the number of competent films released by Hollywood recently. There haven't been many blockbusters or breakouts, but at least they're not trying to feed us another batch of Southern California cow patty vegan pizzas disguised as entertainment. This fim doesn't take many chances, the plot and acting are excellent, and it has a rather satisfying conclusion. Old Fashioned Good Cop vs Bad Cop tales with an extra layer of savage gravy are what's for dinner and the eatins mighty fine.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482572/

Seven Pounds (Review)

What I knew going in:
Will Smith in a mystery about seven people.

Hype:
Meh-. I like Smith's action movies, and even some of the others like Hitch were passable.

Opening Thoughts:
I tend to like movies based on a twist so long as the twist isn't too easy to see coming. To be honest, I figured since this was supposed to be a Oscar Contender I should at least see it so that I could talk with other people about it.

Bottom Line:
Congratulations on adding a new Film to the Suicide Trifecta of Dead Poets Society, What Dreams May Come, and Requiem for a Dream. This film is depressing in so many ways, the least of which was the twist. Ugh. I despise films that are blatant attempts at emotional manipulation. In addition, the message that the only way to make up for a horrible mistake is to commit suicide and use your organs to save the lives of others made my moral center want to put on some steel toes and take a trip on over to the writer's junk drawer. A chick flick of the highest order, keep your Y chromosome safe and leave this piece of trash for the co-dependant women who will gush that its the best movie since Beaches.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0814314/

Body of Lies (Review)

What I knew Going In:
Russel Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio in a middle eastern modern spy movie.

Hype Level:
Meh. But hey I like spy films so why not.

Opening Thoughts:
Which of the two pretty-boys is going to out-smarm the other? I've seen them both act well, but these two both have egos the size of GORT's cloud. I'm not expecting much out of this...but then again Ridley Scott is directing, and while Black hawk Down was solid, Kingdom of Heaven was a wormy apple of high handed religion shoved down my throat like a two bit porn queen taking on a throatbang.

Bottom Line:
While there's nothing earth-shattering about this movie it is extremely competent. Scott got his actors to tone down their egos and the result is a satisfying romp through some semi-realism of what it would actually take to win the war on terror. The characters and plot are highly believable and well thought out. This is deinfately worth your time if you like a decent intrigue/suspense film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758774/

Movies are Entertainment

Fact: If you watched a movie through to the end, it succeeded as a piece of entertainment.
Fact: If a movie evoked a emotional response of any kind, it succeeded as a piece of entertainment.

This blog is going to help you in your decision making on whether or not a movie will be worth your time.

I am going to challenge your opinions on everything from cinematography to hype. If its involved in the film industry, there here it is open game.