2008 Awards Ceremony (Part 1)

Welcome to the show. I'm not rich enough to have someone like Alec Baldwin host my awards using half-wit one liners to sell advertising, so lets get right to it.

BEST ACTION HERO:
The nominees are: Christopher Bale (Dark Knight), Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man), and Daniel Craig (Quantum of Solace).
The !Q! goes to: Christopher Bale - Seriously, have you seen the Title area of my blog? Nobody topped Batman this year despite a gravelly and lispy voice that seemed better suited for the upcoming Dwayne "Rock" Johnson reimagining of The Birdcage.

WORST ACTION HERO:
The nominees are: Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull), Nicholas Cage (Bangkok Dangerous) and Gabriel Macht (The Spirit).
The !Q! goes to: Gabriel Macht. Have you seen this film? No? Good - nobody else did either. With a domestic gross of $19 mil, it proves that Sin City + 300 + Superheroes = Train Wreck. Lionsgate: Take your steaming piles of director - Frank Miller and Uwe Boll, and choose my ass crack as your next shoot location. Add a few out of work for a reason actors and another crappy comic book or video game tie-in, and maybe, just maybe, I might create a Movie Hit Squad and put you out of your misery.

WORST MOVIE TITLE:
The nominees are: The X-Files I want to Believe, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emporer.
The !Q! goes to: Indiana Jones. In what should have been called Indiana Jones and the worst comeback sequel of all time, George Lucas has continued his tradition of, and I quote from my buddy The Fist, "Taking a dump on my childhood and rubbing my face in the mess". George take this as a hint: The only reason your movies are better than Uwe Boll's is because you get $185 million to waste two hours of my life. What's next, Indiana Jones and the Ghost of the Colostomy Bag? Or maybe Indiana Jones and the Return of the Emo Angsty Teen Short Round?

NEXT ACTOR THAT WILL BE MOVED TO TV TO WATCH THER MOVIE CAREER DIE:
The nominees are: Samuel L Jackson, Vin Diesel, and Jason Statham.
The !Q! goes to: What? Are you KIDDING ME? All three of them have insanely crappy sequels to earlier failed movies coming out in 2009? Fast and the Furious 4? CRANK 2? SNAKES ON A PLANE 2?!?!?! Forget what I wrote a couple of days ago about Hollywood improving itself.

Well, that's all the ire I can muster for one evening. Tune in after these commercial breaks for more of the Q 2008 Awards Ceremony, which will probably include: Best and Worst Twist, Best Sex Scene, and Villian who should have Triumphed but didn't.