The International (Review)

What I knew going in:
Clive Owen and Naomi Watts take on a Multi-National Bank whose sinister endgame is conspiracy.

Hype:
Meh+. Sometimes I get out to see the movies I want, other times I don't. This one looked like it had potential to be decent.

Opening Thoughts:
This has the same sort of feel as most of the good cold war spy films from back in the seventies. Its dark, its creepy, and you have no idea what the Bank is up to - but you know it can't be good. Yep, Naomi is still hot. Wow, they don't waste any time with the usual build-up. Its game on from the word go.

Bottom Line:
Competent. The highlight of the film is a fantastic action sequence in the Gugenheim that seems to go on forever, yet never lets up on the intensity. The plot makes sense, and you can definately see where the bank's conspiracy is headed and why they would go so far to protect their aims. Clive and Naomi are both convincing and show excellent development throughout the film. When the biggest thing you can complain about is the fact that this movie has THE most generic title of all time, you know it has to be pretty good.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0963178/

Worst Action Films of the Modern Era

So,
A couple of friends and I were sitting down the other day and we were talking on this topic.
WITHOUT READING BELOW THIS, write down your top 5 from 1970-Present and then compare them to ours:
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Now, I've heard a lot of arguments, but here's the bottom line: These films have NO redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Honorable Mentions:
Elektra - So, explode an oven and vaporize over 100 ninjas? That's SOME OVEN!
Speed 2: Cruise Control - The bad guy is trying to escape on a Cessna only to be stopped by a Ship's Mast. WHAT?
Chain Reaction - When your trailers suck, the movie has no hope.
American Ninja - Need I say more.
Assassins - A plot so thin it belongs in a soup kitchen.
The Net - I kept hoping Sandra Bullock would either be raped or killed, preferably killed.
Lone Wolf McQuaid - Fighting in a desert in 100+ degree weather while sporting an Eddie Bauer Cardigan Sweater FOR THE LOSS.
Cobra - Sly, Commando + The Terminator you aren't.

In 5th Place:
EXIT WOUNDS - Hey, now everybody knows where to shoot helicopters to knock them out of the sky - right in the SMILY FACE! WTF?

4th Place:
The Spirit - This movie is so much fail in so little time. When Sammy L and Scarlett Johannsen can't save your movie, you know its trash.

3rd Place:
Reindeer Games - When other movies make fun of your movie you gotta know something's off. Especially when it's Jay and Silent Bob.

2nd Place:
Ballistic - Ecks Vs Sever - Where do I even begin?

THE WINNER:
Chill Factor - When the main villian stops for an ice cream cone before chasing after the heroes, you're either A> Directed by UWE BOLL, B> Starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Skeet Ulrich, or C> PAYING YOUR SCREENWRITER IN BROWNIES. YES. THOSE BROWNIES.

Post your top 5 to the comments and we can argue about it for a while.
Q Out.

Confessions of a Superhero (Review)

What I knew going in:
A buddy of mine said this was pretty funny and that I should check it out. Its about the real lives of people who dress up as superheroes and work the Hollywood walk of fame posing for photographs with tourists.

Hype:
Meh. I have to be in the right mood for a comedy. I was playing a JRPG and trying to relax and needed more mental stimulation than the game was providing.

Opening Thoughts:
Oh. My. Gawd. At least I'm not THAT guy. Wonder Woman has a pretty nice bod but her personality - scary. Batman has an anger problem? Nah never would have guessed that from his interviews... These people even admit to being aspiring actors who panhandle to make the rent. That's a pretty tough gig.

Bottom Line:
Scary. Disturbing. Never in the history of Hollywood have they ever been able to make someone feel better about themselves than by watching what other people have chosen as their professions. The four main people interviewed in the movie are just on this side of Arkham and yet are unashamed of the direction their lives have taken. I'm not sure about how I would go about recommending this movie to people other than as an example of how NOT to live. Do I read comic books? Sure. Do I idolize superheroes? Sure. Given enough resources would I build a Batmobile? Absolutely. Would I EVER allow these things to destroy the things that make me unique for the sake of a persona? Hell no.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1016164/

007 Die Another Day (Classic Review)

What I knew going in:
One of my all-time favorite Bond films starring Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Judi Dench, and John Cleese.

Hype:
Not sure how to Hype this. There wasn't anything I really wanted to see in the old movie file, so I decided to work on some stuff while I put this on. I was also curious to see how the old girl stacked up from '02-'09. Were the effects, plot, and writing as good as I remembered them to be?

Opening Thoughts:
I can definately see how people might say this film gets off on the wrong foot. I mean, seriously? Double Oh's SURFING into a mission? Really? Ok, the stealing of the sunglasses is a good touch - something in the Bond personality profile for sure. After 20 films, you'd think the bad guys would learn to take Bond's WATCH along with his gun, I mean how many times do you have to get burned by the same gadget? I love the fact Bond gets caught and tortured in this film.

Bottom Line:
This movie is still Bond in its purest form. Hot babes - Check. Horrible Horrible one-liners - Check. Cars you wish were real AND in your garage - Check. Over the top action sequences bordering on the surreal - Check. And last but not least... Not following its own movie logic - CHECK. I mean, the satellite beam weapon can shear off a giant chunk of a glacier but can't burn through a frickin airplane passing directly through it? Really? The real fact here is that its a BOND MOVIE. You take the good with the bad and call it a day. Unzip your skull, take your brain out, and enjoy it for what it is: pure entertainment.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0246460/

InkHeart (Review)

What I knew Going In:
Brendan Frasier in a Fantasy about a man who can make the tales from a book come alive when he reads the words aloud.

Hype:
Meh+. I like these kinds of films, and I was hoping for another Princess Bride, Neverending Story, something like that brought up to date with modern storytelling and effects.

Opening Thoughts:
Capricorn is the main baddie? I mean, there's a name to terrify the old and young alike. Hunh? The main hero of the book is a coward? The little girl's aunt is a shrew? Who is there to like and root for in this film? Oh I get it, the main hero is likeable because he's got a cute animal companion... Oh wait a sec the weasel just tried to bite the girl.

Bottom Line:
Dreadful. I've played first person shooters with more heart, character growth, and plot twists. Frasier has lost his ability to pick scripts, or he was locked into a large picture deal because his last three films, Inkheart, Mummy 3, and Journey to the Center of the Earth, are the Trifecta of Failsauce. The film hints at brilliance but nothing pulls together the way it should. I kept expecting the main characters to jump in and out of the books while being chased by Capricorn, which, incedentally, would have been a momumentally better plot device. Save your money and get Bedtime Stories, which is similar, funnier, and has far less producers going "you know what would be cool?"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0494238/

Battle Planet (Review)

What I knew going in:
Nobody in a B SciFi flick. Yep, when I'm bored or need background noise, anything, and I mean anything will do.

Hype:
Hobo Ass. I figured if I was really really lucky I would get something slightly better than a SciFi Original movie.

Opening Thoughts:
Effects aren’t bad – costuming is good. Aquarians? Really? Fish people are the bad guys? Wow that shotgun looks so Nerfy… Oh my God – Best use of a sock puppet EVER. Oh wait, sock puppets get killed by arrows? Shit, where was THAT little tidbit in the Hitchhiker’s Guide? Green skin or not, the first person he finds on planet has a HOT bod. Wow. Alien Tits. I’d like to say that’s a first for me but I’ve watched waaaaayyyyy too much SciFi. You know for a movie called “Battle Planet” its awfully slow. Space Dwarves? Are you frickin serious?

Bottom Line:
Tripe. The script is so painfully bad that you'll swear it was written by the DM at your local game store. I'd rather crash land on a planet full of gay aliens whose idea of gentle and caring includes blood sports and public orifice stretching contests. Avoid this at all costs unless its MST3K night.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1016024/