Friday, April 17, 2009

Worst Action Films of the Modern Era

So,
A couple of friends and I were sitting down the other day and we were talking on this topic.
WITHOUT READING BELOW THIS, write down your top 5 from 1970-Present and then compare them to ours:
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Now, I've heard a lot of arguments, but here's the bottom line: These films have NO redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Honorable Mentions:
Elektra - So, explode an oven and vaporize over 100 ninjas? That's SOME OVEN!
Speed 2: Cruise Control - The bad guy is trying to escape on a Cessna only to be stopped by a Ship's Mast. WHAT?
Chain Reaction - When your trailers suck, the movie has no hope.
American Ninja - Need I say more.
Assassins - A plot so thin it belongs in a soup kitchen.
The Net - I kept hoping Sandra Bullock would either be raped or killed, preferably killed.
Lone Wolf McQuaid - Fighting in a desert in 100+ degree weather while sporting an Eddie Bauer Cardigan Sweater FOR THE LOSS.
Cobra - Sly, Commando + The Terminator you aren't.

In 5th Place:
EXIT WOUNDS - Hey, now everybody knows where to shoot helicopters to knock them out of the sky - right in the SMILY FACE! WTF?

4th Place:
The Spirit - This movie is so much fail in so little time. When Sammy L and Scarlett Johannsen can't save your movie, you know its trash.

3rd Place:
Reindeer Games - When other movies make fun of your movie you gotta know something's off. Especially when it's Jay and Silent Bob.

2nd Place:
Ballistic - Ecks Vs Sever - Where do I even begin?

THE WINNER:
Chill Factor - When the main villian stops for an ice cream cone before chasing after the heroes, you're either A> Directed by UWE BOLL, B> Starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Skeet Ulrich, or C> PAYING YOUR SCREENWRITER IN BROWNIES. YES. THOSE BROWNIES.

Post your top 5 to the comments and we can argue about it for a while.
Q Out.

1 comments:

Faust23 said...

5)The Perils of Gwendoline in the land of the Yik Yak (saw it in the eighties, with my mom....)
4)Van Helsing (oh, because an automatic airgun neeeeeds a crossbow attachment....)
3)Mitchell (yeah, that's a Joe Don Baker joint....)
2)Ballistic - Ecks vs Sever (almost walked out three times...)
1)The Musketeer (historical piece with wire work and inbred acting...I did walk out....)

The Fist