Fanboys (Review)

What I knew going in:
A Fan film I was hoping would be funny. Stars some of the B actors you've seen in other flicks.

Hype:
Meh. I was watching this while I wrote up my review of Killshot, which I watched the other night. I know you were probably hoping for something more exiciting, but its the summer and my AC was out sooooo... Eh.. sweat. Yuk. Need Slurpee Badly.

Opening Thoughts:
Ok that was funny. And so was that... and wow this is consistently humorous.

Bottom Line:
Yep. If you're a nerd, you will love this film. Its frikin hilarious, but only if you are in the know to get the jokes. Some shocking cameos, decent writing, and all aroud randomness make it a fun couple of hours, so gather the Nerd Herd and check it out. Oh, and Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) in Leia's slave outfit = THE HOT.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0489049/

Killshot (Review)

What I knew going in:
Thoms Jane, Mickey Rourke, and the always yummy Diane Lane in a mafia hitman vs. all american couple film - not exactly the most original concept but hey, did I mention Diane Lane was in it?


Hype:
Um. Considering I didn't even know this movie EXISTED until about a week ago I'm not sure I can give it a hype rating. Yep you guessed it - more background while I worked on a reformat and late on some Bugs.


Opening Thoughts:
Yep. Ouch. Even more boring than I thought. A couple about to divorce and oh wait something external is going to completely change their lives and bring them back together. Have I seen this plot somewhere before... hmmmmm....


Bottom Line:
Not quite as bad I expected and really pretty passable unless, like myself, you've seen 3 or 4 hundred of these kinds of movies before. Proof again Hollywood has run out of scripts. I pretty much have nothing else to say about this movie except yeah, Diane Lane still looks hot in just her undies. Nuff said.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443559/

He's Just Not That Into You (Review)

What I knew going in:
Lots of current hot Actors and Actresses in a movie about dating. Woo. Yeah where do I sign up. Ok you all know I am a horrible romantic, and I really really wish I could get over it. Once in a while my personal sadistic streak forces me into thinking I want to watch a Romantic Comedy and I always hate myself for it.

Hype:
Are you kidding me? Have you been reading my blog? I flippin HATE these unrealistic love fest chic flicks.

Opening Thoughts:
Now I've been hearing that this movie is painfully realistic. Hey but its the beginning of the film so its going to be funny for a while. Yeaaaaaahhhhh.... Lets face it, just about every male fantasy girl except Jessica Alba is in this movie. So I think I will just sit back, work on sending out invoices and emails, and enjoy the views.

Bottom Line:
Well, hey, there's I think about 20 different relationships in this movie and they are all intertwined, so not all of them can have happy endings. And that's a good thing. Because most of these overly contrived situations are so grossly simplified as to be unremarkable in any way. So I got most of my work done... And is this really what dating is like for people? If so, I'll stay happily single, driving my amazing car, buying anything I want, and hanging out with my buds. Did I mention we're heading out to Comic-con soon? Oh and yeah, this is a pretty good movie - one that both sexes can enjoy.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/

Crank 2: High Voltage (Review)

What I knew going in:
Are you flipping kidding me??? As bizzare and absurd as the first Crank was, at least I was reasonably sure it was going to end there. But, like a pothead looking for the next Pineapple Express, Jason Statham is back to prove that as outlandish as the first Crank was with over the top action, gang warfare, and sex in public, it can and will try to be topped with a sequel.

Hype:
Hobo Ass. Even though I kind of liked the first one - it doesn't try to be anything other than entertainment, and occasionally, a good line or funny sequence will poke its head out like a terrorist from behind cover.

Opening Thoughts:
Like me, I am sure you will be going "Really?" or "Seriously?" or "Did I actually just witness that?" all throughout the opening of this movie. Lets face it though, if you want to make fun of the plot, you'd be better off making fun of yourself for going to see it in the first place. In for an ounce, in for a pound... well actually the human heart weighs like four or five pounds, right?

Bottom Line:
Almost a bullet for bullet copy of the first. Ridiculous. Silly. Stupid. Yet still kinda fun and funny in parts. I can't recommend this one to anybody, but hey, I watched Battle Planet, and this was loads better than that. Please, for the love of the world, do not make a third one. I'd have to watch it because I've seen the first two and I'm not sure I'd make the sanity check.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1121931/

Terminator: Salvation (Theater Review)

What I knew going in:
Batman's Christian Bale takes on the role of John Connor in the long running and sometimes epic Terminator series. When you consider the next biggest stars in the movie are a digital copy of Arnold Schwarzenegger's likeness from 20 years ago and Linda Blair's voice, and the director McG is the guy with the next shortest name to the artist formerly known as Prince (FAG), and Michael Ironside, I was hoping, really really hoping, that 150 million dollars or so could turn all this into a passable film.

Hype:
After the trailer, I have to vote Jizz in my Pants. The effects looked hella sweet. Plus more explosions than a Michael bay film in Texas on the Fourth of July.

Opening Thoughts:
I can't get over how good the special effects look this summer. In many parts of this film uncanny valley doesn't exist anymore. I can't tell what's an animatronic and what's a digital effect. At least Bale has dropped the ri-god-damn-diculous lisp from Dark Knight.

Bottom Line:
On a scale of one to ten, the effects are a solid ten. Action doesn't get any better than this. The acting is good, the plot itself is decent.... Yeah you know there's a BUT coming here.... I'm not a toddler anymore and I don't need to be spoon-fed the moral of the story like a bowl full of strained peas and spinach. Still, as a whole this is a kick-ass flick that keeps your heart pumping from beginning to end. Go see it, choke down your high chair meal of morality, and leave that part of the film right where it belongs. In Your Diaper.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0438488/

Star Trek (Review Three)

What I knew going in:
One of the best SciFi films of all time goes on constant repeat in my head.


Hype:
Still jizzing in my pants. I mean we're talking seriously painful jizzplosions here.


Opening Thoughts:
Get this: Kirk is the worst character in the top five. Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, Uhura the hotness (leave me alone, I'm tired lolz), and Zachary Quinto all bring better performances than Chris Pine. Even Sulu and Chekov are almost better. Now its not that Pine is bad mind you, just that everyone else is just so completely spot on.


Bottom Line:
The effects - I still can't believe how amazing they are and how angry it makes me that the damn camera is shaking around like a cerebral palsy victim that's been tasered during an epilepsy fit. A shaking camera does NOT add tension, excitement, or realism. Is it appropriate when a starship is being shot to pieces? You Bet. Is it appropriate when a near undamaged starship drops out of warp firing on incoming torpedoes? NO NO NO. The sooner that Hollywood figures this out the better we'll all be. In the meatime, you need to go and see this film seven or eight more times and make sure we get another bunch of em.

Coming up in the next hour:
Terminator: Salvation and Crank 2: High Voltage. Yep, I've sunk to a new low.

Star Trek (Review Two)

What I knew going in:
Would the second time be a charm for a movie that I think is the best film I've seen since The Matrix?

Hype:
Jizz in my Pants. Ok its time to see if we can find some flaws, something to complain about. Something that will lessen the films impact.

Opening Thoughts:
Sabotage? Really? Some ten year old puts on music from the late 1980s even though its supposed to be what, 2200 something? And what's with the hairdo on the woman sitting behind the captain? I mean, it looks like another woman could get her jollies sitting on her head. Wow. Uhura's eyebrows are like massively hugenormous.

Bottom Line:
Even better this time than it was last time. I got to focus on details instead of the main plot. The amazing effects get better each time I see it. The action is a little too fast, but its great because its happening at the speed that computers would be able to fight at. The Phaser combat is too fast. The camera jumps around too much, but that's a modern film trapping that seems to get worse every year. I can't wait to see this movie again.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0796366/

Star Trek (Review One)

What I knew going in:
Christopher Pine, Leonard Nimoy, Zachary Quinto and Eric bana in a reboot of the classic Franchise. Directed by JJ Abrams of Lost, Fringe, and Cloverfield fame.

Hype:
Jizz in my Pants. When I first heard about it I was telling people it was the worst idea ever. When I saw the first trailer I was telling people it was the best idea ever. I have been looking forward to this for nearly a year.

Opening Thoughts:
Oh. My. God. The Effects are BLISTERING and FAST. Wow. The Dialogue is so crisp. The pacing is breakneck. Not a word wasted or useless music tie-in ... oh wait. There's Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. Still, this is FUN as hell.

Bottom Line:
TREK IS BACK BABY!!!!!! This film is amazing from the word go. Great Plot, Superb writing, Killer Acting, Special Effects to die for, amazing music, edgy, tense, funny, I just can't say enough about it. This is exactly what the franchise needed. I'll write more... but I need to go see it again...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0796366/

Xmen: Origins: Wolverine (Review)

What I knew going in:
Hugh Jackman, Lieb Schriver, and Ryan Reynolds in the latest Comic Book Action film.

Hype:
Meh+ I kinda wanted to see this in the theater even though I had read the one-shot graphic novel a few years ago. As is usual for me, I was figuring: What the hell? Might see a few good special effects along the way.

Opening Thoughts:
Hugh Jackman playing tough guy again, boy that's a stretch. Oh look, the reluctant gunslinger. *yawn* Special effects aren't disappointing.

Bottom Line:
Definately not worth the ire its getting in the press. Its competent, just not great. The final fight of the movie is incredible not just from a special effects standpoint, but from a creative one. Its unique, amazing, and satisfying. Makes me look forward to a spinoff film with Ryan Reynolds. And it makes me look more forward to the upcoming Magneto Movie. Do not listen to the critics, this movie is pretty good and deserving of a matinee ticket. Like most people, if you go see a movie you're not interested in, you'll probably find reasons to hate it. For those of us who like comic book movies, its a whole different ballgame.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0458525/

Other Media

For those new to the Q Movie Gauntlet, I do enjoy many other types of media including TV, Video Games, Comics, and Books. I haven't reviewed many films in the past couple of weeks because I have been reading. Here's a sample:
Exit to Eden - Always a fun read.
Stephen King's Cell - Great Zombiepocalypse Book.
Richard North Patterson's Exile - A Courtroom/Spy Drama which is superbly researched with the real problems of Israel and Palestine.
Clive Cussler's Arctic Drift - Clive's always a popcorn summer blockbuster good time.
Mel Odom's Hellgate: London Trilogy: Decidedly Meh.

Current Fave TV Shows:
Fringe, Chuck, Bones, House, Reaper, Supernatural, Lost, Heroes

Currently Played Games:
Resistance 2, Resident Evil 5, Rock Band 2, The Last Remnant, Burnout Paradise

Reviews Upcoming:
Wolverine Origins (Good), Star Trek (Trek is back baby! BooYa!)