Ed Brubaker's Angel of Death (Review)

What I knew going in:
B actors and a up and coming Director pull together a mob movie that was hyped at Comicon. I'm just a bored sucker I guess.

Hype:
Its a direct to DVD release, so no hype meter.

Opening Thoughts:
The washed out and grainy colorization is a poor attempt at style. The hand to hand fighting is decent, in the typical Mobrutal (tm) fashion. You have to allow for action time, which is when two people are throwing down while the rest of the characters stay static. Lucy Lawless was hotter as a cylon than as this washed up ex-whore with a bad accent.

Bottom Line:
I really really tried to dislike this film. Despite that, some respectable dialogue, competent action sequences, and a halfway original plot make this a fairly good movie. It runs short at 87 minutes, but it does all it needs to during that time. There's nothing witty or snappy about the dialogue, but at least it doesn't sound contrived or out of place. If someone gives Brubaker an original script and some worthy acting talent he has the potential to be a top of the line director. So, this is a passable film worth your time as a rental or on Netflix, just don't expect too much because its just a plain good piece of entertainment. Kind of like M&M's: You know its going to taste good out of the bag, but the experience is one you've already had many many times before.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1269734/

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Theater Review)

What I knew Going In:
Stephen Sommers takes on the Hasbro License, toys from my youth, and all around horrible 80's TV-Show. Stars Dennis Quaid, Damon Wayans, and a bunch of other nobodies.

Hype:
Meh+ The special effects from the previews looked amazing. Could Hollywood bring another dead franchise back to life like they did with Transformers?

Opening Thoughts:
The first ten minutes of this film are AWESOME. Great effects, hopelessly outgunned heroes, and brutal attacks with *gasp* military men dying in the line of combat. OK this has serious potential to get me interested. Wait a sec... SNAKE EYES HAS NEVER HAD LIPS IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF GIJOE. Uh-Oh this plot just got as thin as OH GOD THERE ARE THOSE FRACKIN LIPS AGAIN. Why can't this be rated R so we can see some of the Baroness and Scarlett's .... AAAAAAAAA NINJA LIPS!!!!!!!

Bottom Line:
I wanted to like this movie. I really really did. So lets get this out of the way: The special effects are a 10. No Question, best effects ever. And the action is amazing. Now lets get on to the rest of the film.... Plot: Zilch. Acting: Nada. Costuming: Oof. Are you getting the idea yet? In every aspect other than effects this movie is one of the biggest failures of all time. I have no doubt that the 10-12 year old male market it was designed for will love it. For the rest of the population, its an excuse for a $10 nap. The last words from the absolutely awful helmet of Cobra Commander: "This is only the beginning..." I sure as hell hope not, cause I know I will waste more of my life watching how they stomp the crap out of my childhood.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046173/