2009 Awards Ceremony (Part 1)

Queue crappy modern comedian, lame one-liners, and retarded music special guest star appearances!
Here's Tonight's Categories:
Worst Adaptation of a Book, Best Plot Twist, Worst Plot Twist, Best Heroic Death, Worst Heroic Death, and Villian that should have won the day but didn't!

Worst Adaptation of a Book:
The Nominees are:  The Road, Pirate Radio, Whiteout, Circque Du Freak:  The Vampire's Assistant.
The Q Goes to:  ALL OF THEM.  With a combined TOTAL US Domestic Box Office Gross of somewhere between a week's pay for a burger flipper and a tech support representative from Bangladesh, these four films may have disproved my thoery that Hollywood can't lose no matter what they do.  Clearly Hollywood CAN and DOES lose money making garbage.  With a combined total of 150 Million spent and 40 Million earned in Domestic ticket sales, the economy is hitting Hollywood in the shorthairs.

Best Plot Twist:
The Nominees are:  The Box for "This is a Sci-Fi Film?!", The Hangover for "Naked Asian Guy in a Trunk", Star Trek for "Complete Universe Change", and Zombieland for "Bill Murray survives the Zombiepocalypse".
The Q goes to:  THE HANGOVER.  Deep in my heart I wanted Star Trek to win, but lets face it, the first time you watch the asian beat the three hapless heroes of The Hangover with a tire iron, you are left with a broad cross between "should I laugh at this" and "WTF?!?!"  Out of left field with random genius, I can't wait for Hangover 2.

Worst Plot Twist:
The Nominees are:  Wolverine for "His Hottie Fiancee was really working for the bad guys", Knowing for "Psych! It's really Aliens!", Law Abiding Citizen for "Hidden Door behind the Prison Cell's Toity", and Crank: High Voltage for "He's Still ALIVE?!?!"
The Q goes to:  Law Abiding Citizen.  You know, I really wanted to like this movie, but the incredibly lame ending punctuated by possibly the worst plot twist in revenge movie history makes it clear that the people Hollywood has in their test groups don't know their asses from a hole in the ground.  Too bad everyone spent money watching it because it had Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler.

Best Heroic Death:
The Nominees are:  Optimus Prime in Transformers 2, Wikus Van De Merwe in District 9, Rorsack in The Watchmen, and Chev Chelios for Crank 2.
The Q goes to:  Wikus Van De Merwe.  While Optimus's death was heart-wrenching, Wikus becomes more human with each passing hour in his descent into an alien body.  While not technically a death, it certainly qualifies in spirit as you actually feel for Wikus at the end of the film.  The transformation from Villian to Hero to Alien in District 9 is one I will be remembering for quite a while to come.

Worst Heroic Death:
The Nominees are:  Everyone who didn't survive Terminator: Salvation, especially Michael Ironside, The Basterds of Inglorious Basterds, The Human Race in Knowing, and Clyde Shelton in Law Abiding Citizen.
The Q goes to:  Clyde Shelton.  The death of the protaganist in Law Abiding Citizen is so incredibly lame, that you wonder long after the movie is over how someone who is known for being able to script events and master planning didn't see that one coming.  The real truth here is that there is a real wasted opportunity for character development in Foxx, should the script have him realize that, as was stated earlier in the film, "The only way to stop Clyde is to shoot him in the face."  The moral choice of when does our Justice system fail to the point where it is morally acceptable and justifiable to kill another is where this movie should have taken us but didn't.

Villian that should have won the day but Didn't:
The Nominees are:  Clyde Shelton for Law Abiding Citizen, Ozymandius for The Watchmen, The World in 2012, and Skynet in Terminator: Salvation.
The Q goes to:  The World in 2012.  Never before have I wanted to human race to fail and just plain die out.  With pathetic storytelling and cookie cutter characters that were cloned from Independance Day, Someone should just tell Roland Emmerich that he's just joined the Geroge Lucas club for director's who have completely lost their marbles/lightsabers/specialeffects.  Other members include Kurt "How can your second directorial effort have gone so wrong" Wimmer, and Stephen "I like Shia LeBouf a little too much" Spielberg. 

Who knows, I may even get to a Part 2 of the Awards Ceremony this year!  --Q